I hate people, particularly gossiping bitches

[wildicycomet]

So. Really, really, really sad right now. So...rant ahead. Big rant.

So, last year Nina, my former best friend in middle school and early high school, got into a fight with me. It was an idiotic fight, but a fight nonetheless. Nina thought for some reason that I had been treating Ashley really badly recently. As in, I treat her stupid. When she IMs me this, I had had a TERRIBLE day. I mean, I had been sobbing at school all day over the stress of AP exams and getting my grades in order, that I just SNAPPED. I told her to "Shut the fuck up" because I was so angry over the hypocrisy of what she had said to me. While I admit that I had snapped at Ashley that day, I had not been treating Ashley badly in the general. Yes, I would joke around about getting mad at Ashley or whatever, but I was never truly mad at her. However, last year I saw where everyone showed their true colors. My "friends" abandoned me, leaving me to myself, with the exception of a couple of friends (you know who you are). I felt utterly alone and really depressed.

Over the summer I sent Nina a PM on Gaia saying that I was sorry, sucking up my feelings of anger so that we could repair our friendship. Honestly, this was a big step for me because I never apologize - it is a major flaw of mine. I thought that Nina would in turn apologize, but I only got a reply saying "I forgive you." Honestly, I expected an apology because we both over-reacted to the situation, but as always, I was the one to apologize.

So when I got back to school, things were so awkward and I had to apologize to Nina upfront and I lied about getting the PM because honestly I didn't want to admit that I hadn't replied to her "I forgive you" message.

Things never really got to be the same again. We have hardly talked this year, and when we did talk it was about nothing at all - small talk, really. Nina has been rolling her eyes at me about the things I say and do in joke, and in respect to her anger over Ashley, I have been less "mean" to Ashley in front of her. Ashley has also been distant with me this year, I suppose because she took Nina's side last year. Something I look back on and wonder why since she never listened to my side of the story, but whatever, I never had a true grudge over it.

So I log on my computer this evening and have this oh-so-wonderful conversation with Nina tonight.


Laura H.: heya :
Sora: hi
Laura H.: how are you?
Sora: I'm okay.
Laura H.: what's wrong? :/ You seem sad
Sora: I'm really confused
Laura H.: about what?
Sora: honestly, about you.
Laura H.: why?
Sora: because Laura, one minute you act like my friend and then the next you're treating me like an idiot. You make smartass comments to me when I really don't need them and a lot of the times you treat me like I'm stupid. I've been hearing a lot of stories from people in my classes about how you talk behind my back or just talk bad about me
Laura H.: Like what?
Sora: like that I'm too stupid to do anything and just your attitude with me. Laura, you tried to prove me wrong about what sickness I got last year. You feel like you have to be right about stupid little things and you fight really hard core about them,like as if it really matters
Laura H.: Sorry, this really comes as a surprise to me. I sensed that you were mad at me about something, but I had no idea what. So sorry if I am a little confused.
Sora: I just don't understand why
Laura H.: What sickness you got last year?
Sora: I called it a stomach virus and you yelled about how it was a 24 hour bug and how I was wrong and you were right
Laura H.: "yelled"? Is that overreacting a little?
Sora: and you do it about other stupid things and they're stupid,I know but you get all worked up about it
Laura H.: I'm sorry if I offended you by saying you got a 24 hour bug, but I truly doubt I "yelled"
Sora: I meant yelled as in overreacted
Sora: and it wasn't a little I don't think,you were really getting in my face about it
Laura H.: It seems that you put a lot of emphasis over such small stuff. I'm a little argumentative, I accept that, but that you worry about it surprises me.
Laura H.: Yeeeah. I definitely was not getting in your face over it. You might have thought I was being mean or whatever, but if I was getting in your face, I would be about to slap you.
Sora: in my face meaning very close to me.
Laura H.: I'm not exactly sure what you want me to say. I mean, that you are getting into a fight with me over something from last year is stupid.
Laura H.: I was not getting angry over that! That's stupid
Laura H.: and to be honest, I'm not sure what that has to do with anything. It just seems like you want us to stop being friends over something from last year
Sora: no
Sora: that's not it,that was just an example
Laura H.: I mean last year you made me lose all my friends by over-reacting to a small argument. Don't pretend like I was the only one avoiding a confrontation last semester.
Laura H.: And I do not act like you're stupid. In fact, I've hardly talked to you this year at all
Sora: Lately,you've been very harsh with your jokes and very blunt. I heard that you said people like me shouldn't vote because I don't know anything about politics.
Laura H.: And I REALLY want to know who has said I've been talking bad about you
Sora: I'm not trying to keep fighting with you, Laura.
Laura H.: What the fuck? Who said that?
Laura H.: You obviously are.
Sora: I'm really not Laura. I just want to know why
Laura H.: Why? Why what?!
Laura H.: And yes, you are starting a fight
Laura H.: which is complete bullshit by the way.
Laura H.: What else has been said about me that you are so mad at me?
Sora: Laura,you're not the same person that I walked into high school with. I understand that people change and stuff but you're acting like you always have to be right about everything.
Laura H.: And what are you doing now?
Laura H.: You have been acting like you have been right since before middle school.
Laura H.: You always want it to be your way or the highway.
Laura H.: If you want someone to come with you somewhere, screw everyone else. For instance, with Ashley, you drag her off with you even if she has other friends that want to hang out with her
Laura H.: and it's all the time
Laura H.: and not just with me
Sora: Laura,you're not really listening to me.
Laura H.: You like to call people stupid behind their backs, like Evaline
Laura H.: Oh shut the fuck up, I have been listening. You haven't been offering any evidence that I have treated you differently.
Laura H.: You accuse me of things without any evidence
Sora: Why are you getting so upset? I can't show anything if you keep attacking me
Laura H.: You don't listen to me or you'd be answering my questions
Laura H.: You can't type while I am typing?
Laura H.: and I am getting upset because you're attacking me for things I haven't done!
Sora: I can but I stop to read what you're saying,like I've always done.
Sora: no I'm not,Laura. Look,I feel that you've lately been treating me like some sort of idiot. Every time I say something wrong you roll your eyes or sigh heavily and talk to me like I was a child that doesn't understand anything. You've been increasingly negative to me and I don't know if it's because you've had something else going on but it really upsets me.
Sora: Sometimes when I say my point of view you look at me as if I was either speaking another language or just spewing nonsense into the air. I'ts not physcial things you've done. It's how you act towards me and it makes me think that you are upset with me because you never did that before
Sora: I'm not trying to say you nearly started a fight with me. I'm just stating what I feel and how I've been feeling ever since we got into high school. I'm sorry that I nearly took all your friends away from our last arguement. It wasn't my intention.
Laura H.: I have not been sighing at you for you not understanding anything nor have I been rolling my eyes. I haven't even talked to you lately. We have only had small inconsequential conversations that don't require me to think you're stupid. I don't talk to you about ANYTHING of importance anymore. Please, please tell me one instance where I have treated you stupid, and I mean TRULY stupid, not fake stup
Laura H.: id
Sora: okay,Anime club this Monday. I believed AJ would come. you rolled your eyes and with an attitude you responded "he's not coming." And I was already upset at something else so I was like "he is coming." and you rolled your eyes again and were like "he's not coming but whatever." and went to sit down.
Sora: It seemed like a stupid situation but lately,I don't want to talk to you because it's little things like that I've been getting from you.
Sora: And I'm sorry if you don't think that qualifies as evidence but I think it does.
Laura H.: I was rolling my eyes about AJ not showing up, not that you were stupid
Laura H.: and when you yelled at me I got really hesitant, because honestly Nina, you were snapping at people all day. I'm NOT the only one to say so.
Sora: You were rolling your eyes because I was thinking positively that he would come.
Laura H.: I was rolling my eyes that AJ was slacking AGAIN.
Sora: I told you why I was Laura. do it wasn't random
Laura H.: It has NOTHING to do with your attitude.
Sora: *so
Laura H.: I just think it's sad that you are basing your argument on something that had nothing to do with you! I wasn't rolling my eyes at you, I was rolling my eyes at the situation
Sora: All that aside Laura,are you my friend?
Laura H.: As of now, no.
Sora: Really? May I ask why?
I'm not trying to press blame on you or attack you and I'm sorry if you really see it that way.
Laura H.: I was your friend as of about 30 minutes ago though.
Laura H.: So please don't go around at school on Monday and attack me behind my back, please.
Sora: I won't.
Laura H.: Because last semester was unbearable
Laura H.: I had no friends and I couldn't hang out with anyone.
Sora: Laura,If you think I took all your friends last year. I'm truly sorry. That agrument last year was idiotic and I wish I hadn't taken it so personally but it was hard not to. You've been my best friend since Veronica moved away and you were a sort of security blanket for me. And then you told me to shut the fuck off. which was something you never told to me unless we were kidding around.
Sora: That was how I saw it,so I was hurt. I'm sorry that I talked about it but that's how I get my stress out. I can't keep it in. So I'm sorry that I told people and they pulled away. I never went around saying "Don't talk to Laura"
Laura H.: Honestly, your attitude drove so many of my friends away that this year they have been so distant with me and I have been so lonely and secluded that I am grouchy all the time. It didn't used to be that way before that stupid argument last year and this year I have been so depressed about my social life
Laura H.: And I know you must begrudge me for something because this year you have bee so distant with me that I haven't wanted to talk to you for fears of offending you or making you mad
Laura H.: because it seems whenever I do talk to you, you get REALLY angry at me
Laura H.: like I am attacking you whenver I talk
Laura H.: and I don't really understand WHY.
Laura H.: and you have become so serious lately. You say that I roll my eyes at your actions, but whenever I joke around with Ashley or Evaline you roll your eyes or say "leave Ashley alone". Honestly, I am not being mean to them and I am just joking around, I don't know why you get so mad at me over it.
Sora: Maybe it's just how I intrepret it. This year you've done nothing to me but I've heard people say things and you know...I really shouldn't listen to them but it's hard to ask you when I'm afraid you'll blow up kind of how you are doing now. I don't want to start a fight again,it isn't my intentions at all. I just want to clear up whatever air.
Sora: Maybe it's because lately you don't look like you're kidding. Before after you'd say something mean you'd instantly laugh but now you hold a straight face longer so it's harder to read.
Laura H.: You say I treat you like you're stupid, but it seems like you've been doing the same to me. Every joke that I've made you have gotten angry over or mad about and thought I was serious.
Laura H.: You've been doing that since 10th grade!
Sora: doing what?
Laura H.: Treating me like I'm stupid
Laura H.: ever since you started dating India
Sora: treating you like your stupid?
No. Honestly,anything that is involves schools or politics I know you know waaaay more than I do so I never get into those conversations.
Laura H.: what does that have to do with anything?
Sora: for animes and maybe games,I'll say that I can come off as treating you stupid but I never mean to.
Laura H.: You treat me like I'm stupid in the way I act
Sora: what do you mean?
Laura H.: I mean, as in the way I joke around, you roll your eyes like I'm an idiot
Laura H.: I don't ever talk about games or anything around you and you don't ever come across as a know-it-all when I talk to you about them
Laura H.: but you treat me stupid everytime I talk or do anything
Sora: I'm sorry,I never noticed. I mean,if you're speaking of now....I'll admit I was trying to push you away because I didn't want this conversation to happen. Because I don't know how to explain myself too well. I dont' mean to treat you like your stupid. I roll my eyes at somethings because some of the things you think are funny I don't think are funny at all.
Sora: I'm sorry if I do roll my eyes,I don't notice.
Laura H.: Then don't be a hypocrite! Don't say I have no right to roll my eyes if you are allowed to roll your eyes
Sora: I don't say you have no right.
Laura H.: So by confronting me tonight saying I have been treating you stupid you don't insinuate that you're angry about it?
Sora: I just stated examples of things that I feel is you giving me an attitude.
Sora: I'm not angry that you've been treating me like a stupid. I've been a bit confused and I just want to know if there's a why.
Laura H.: I'm sorry Nina, but for the past couple of years I have noticed how much of a bully you are to your friends. You attract an array of friends that like to be bullied, and as of late I have grown into a stronger person and I don't WANT to be bullied anymore. Sorry, but I really don't want to be friends with you anymore. Please don't talk to me anymore unless you want to explain to me why you aren't
Laura H.: a bully.
Laura H.: Good night.
Laura H.: I'm leaving this window open for you to complain about everything you want, but don't expect a reply. Ever.


So now I will have a repitition of last year - no one to talk to me, no one that will be on my side, nothing. I will be alone AGAIN. Because my closing comments are something I feel really deeply about - Nina is a bully. She bullies people into doing what she wants and screw what everyone else thinks. People think bullies are people that beat people up, but girls are the worst bullies - they gossip behind your backs and hit your emotions and hurt you bad.

And to be honest, I'm absolutely PISSED at Ashley. I know where Nina got the bullshit about her not voting - I told Ashley the other day that Nina didn't know who the president was in 9th grade. I ALSO told Ashley that Nina was probably more educated on the topic now and that I shouldn't base it on that, but I guess Ashley just HAPPENED to leave that detail out. Or perhaps Nina glossed over it. Either way, it's BS.

I spoke no lies in that conversation with her, although I still don't think I managed to convey all things I feel about her at the current moment. Because honestly, I think I hate her. Not in the "I dislike you and I don't want you to be around me" kind of way, but the "I HATE you and I wish I had never met you" kind of way. She attacked my very character and being tonight, whether she wants to admit it or not.

So yeah, I hope some of my words got through to her because maybe she'll have a happier life. In the end, I doubt it will, and it probably won't matter - bitches like that make it in life, but, as they say in France, "c'est la vie".